[Jody M]

Hi- I am an adoptee who was in a closed adoption but fortunately was always told I was adopted. Though the knowledge of my adoption was open, no discussions or encouragement to explore my thoughts and feelings on the subject happened. And I never brought the subject up for it felt "taboo" or something to not talk about. I think many adoptees do not want to "rock the boat" and can feel insecure or "out of order" to be inquisitive, and do not want to appear ungrateful. Many that are not adopted can misinterpret adoptee's feelings as they look at adoption through their own vantagepoint. Many persons take it for granted that they know their ethnic heritage and origin of their physical/medical/genetic traits. They can look into the face of their relatives and have those questions answered. It is a normal part of identity to know one's origins. But for adoptees, especially those in closed adoptions, those things are a mystery. So of course, one is going to be curious and have the desire to know. And also- even if one knows that their birth parents were not able to parent and made a "loving decision", it does not supress the desire to know "why" this was so or what were the circumstances that lead to the adoption decision. Knowing this is crucial to processing one's adoptee status and understanding that one was not "rejected". I have facilitated adoption triad support groups for almost 12 years. And the saddest thing I witness is adoptee's who misinterpret their adoption and feel rejected when they do not know the facts or circumstances that resulted in their adoption. Finding out through my adoption search in mid-life- that my birth parents both had alcohol addictions, and marital problems and financial limitations, and my birth mother had cancer at the time of my birth- this helped me paint a picture that made my adoption understandable and
the best and loving choice that it was. But "not knowing" some of these facts lead adoptees often to "fill in the blanks" and fantasize the story- which can often lead to the wrong conclusion and how many feel abandoned and rejected. My passion is to help adoptees see the bigger picture- of being God's child and loved foremost by their First Father, God their Creator who has always been with them each and every day of their lives. And then to help them explore and find truth to their stories so they can process the facts and come to acceptance and resolution. I am so please that there is much more openess and honesty in adoption. My loving adoptive parents did the best they could in light of the psychology and practices of the day. Now we know more and can better serve the emotional needs of the adoptees We can help them to navigate the fragile issues surrounding the special persons and circumstances that are connected to their beginnings. And to honor their need to know and process these facts and feelings for a strong emotional foundation.

Blessings, Jody