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that extra scrutiny will give you a great taste of what it's like to be black in the US. We are often under scrutiny, having our every move watched and interpreted, often incorrectly. Just yesterday I was out playing with dd and hiding behind a tree. The look the cop who drove by gave me was nothing short of a perp scan. yes, it would be great to have it disappear, but that's just part of life. Adopting transracially makes you conspicuous, no matter what.
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having grown up as one of the only white kids in my neighborhood (a predominately black housing project in NYC), I have seen this first hand and also have the unique experience of being an "outsider" in the immediate community. It may sound strange but it took a long time for me to come to terms with being white. I saw my friends followed in stores and on more than one occasion, as a teen, it was assumed I was either seeking drugs or prostituting when standing outside and waiting for friends (no this is not an exageration).
There is no easy answer here. I wish more people in every community were open to adoption, to foster care, etc then there wouldn't be so much of a need.
We talk to our kids about manty things regarding identity. We talk about being strong, smart, pretty, etc. We talk about their hair and how it looks in different styles and we talk about our skin and how it looks good but different. Not to say that this is all of our emphasis. We also talk about the sky and preschool next year and cats and al the stuff a little kid talks about.
Our girls have already had loss, that can not be diminished but we can acknowledge it and allow them to grieve as well as preparing them to be responsible and confident people in the world.