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Originally Posted by Casey677
Picture the following example: Her birthmom is now married. If she had decided to parent instead of placing dd, dd would still be living in a CC home as a biracial baby. However, I can't imagine anyone telling M that she can't properly raise dd because she is biracial... after all, biologically she is her daughter. Why, as adoptive parents do we get faced with those questions? This is not a decision that any of us made lightly.
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My stepson is biracial and I will say that his mom is not raising him properly even though she has married another black man. My stepson told us that he feels uncomfortable around black people among some other things that DH and I find offensive or hurtful. I am baffled as to how someone who has black people in the house is not comfortable around them. His mom is the only CC person in the house. Even though his mom is married to a black man she chooses to not allow him to have friends of color or even date an AA or biracial girl. He's 16 and is having a difficult time socially because of the restrictions she places on his social life. When DH calls her on it she always denies it but it's clear to us by the comments she makes regarding young black people his age. I don’t know which are worse the comments about AA teenage boys or girls. The comments she has made about AA girls were stereotypical and totally unfounded. You would think someone else biracial would be okay with her but they are not. No one has measured up to her standard of biracial in appearance. She made some rude comments in front of our first foster child who was biracial. He didn't look biracial to her.
It’s okay for his mom to date and marry black but not her kids. I don’t know if she's thinking of the future and doesn't want grandkids that are obviously black or is she subconsciously trying to keep her kids from making what she views as a mistake. Who knows because DH can’t ever seem to get to the bottom of it. We do know how she was raised and dating & socializing black was a no-no and most people tend to revert to how they were raised. Maybe that’s the issue. DH has never had much to say about who his son interacts with as long as the person is good and decent. We don’t care about the color but when color is part of the criteria for determining whether someone is good or decent that is a problem.
I don't think adoptive parents are the only ones under scrutiny it's just that bio parents are free to do as they please because the child is bio. Because you have adopted there is the appearance of extra restrictions or scrutiny.
DH’s has several cousins who are married to CC women and they are doing an awesome job because the kids are comfortable with either side of the family. The only difference one child noted was that white grandma let her jump on the sofa and black grandma didn’t.