[beachdreams]

Vicki -

I feel your pain. I think everyone gave you some great food for thought. I also think Bebitosmama spelled it out as thorough as possible.

If you will look, my DNA test did not take place until 3 months after receiving Bailey's referral. Of note, my DNA test and social worker interview were amazingly done the day after receiving the approval to have it done. Small miracle no doubt. More of a miracle because I was in the court you are in FC#3. The infamous #3. It did take the report a while to be written up but I had to wait for Preapproval so I obviously was not rushed.

If you look at my timeline you will see I was obviously very frustrated throughout the ordeal. I think the wrong assumption is made judging from some of my PM's. It was not the length of my adoption that sent me over the edge; she was home at 8 months of age so not too shabby as far as I am concerned. What was my issue was my agency.

To be honest, I fully well expected delay after delay. I am just one of those people who rarely has a smooth process about things like this (other things in my life make up for my Murphy's Law state of being so its all good). What I did not expect was to be lied to repeatedly, to be treated like dirt, sent nasty and abusive emails etc. It made me an emotional wreck.

Through it all, I never once wanted to walk away from Bailey. It simply was not going to happen. I remember the day vividly that I was given her referral. Do you know I had accepted her referral before I read her medicals or saw her picture. I had to be reminded that I had to do that before I submitted the YES. I have always known that God would bring my daughter to me. There was no way that I would ever back away from her referral just because of a few set backs or because I so desperately wanted nothing else in this world to do with my agency. I had such strong feelings of dislike for them that I would actually get an knot in my stomach when I saw that I had an email from them that is how bad it was. I equate it to being in an emotionally abusive marriage of sorts. I told them that they could continue to harrass me but I was not giving her up. I would see this through until they pride my cold dead fingers off her referral.

She might have been in another country but she was mine and the day I accepted her referral, I was ultimately saying that I would do anything for her and to protect her and there just would never be enough bumps in the road to stop that.

You really need to decide before going forward if a) adoption is right for you and b) if a Guatemalan adoption is right for you. Maybe China would have been a better fit where the process is more streamlined. Of course there are never any guarantees in life.

Good luck with your decision.