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Katie, I think it is important that you are thinking about this now and considering, most of all, how this will affect any future child(ren.) I would like to say that love, deep unconditional love, support, encouragement and giving a child a strong sense of self and esteem is enough. I think that there is not a single thing more important than doing that. But. . . I think that living in a racially homogenous area will, at some point, if only for a time, be really hard for an only child of color, be it AA, Asian or Latino.

I, however, believe like Adrienne; life is hard. Children learn how to feel about themselves and how they fit into the world, initially, by the family experiences and support that they have, the constant positive verbal reenforcement of who they are and who they can be. Then, even at very young ages, that foundation becomes broadened by the experiences that they have outside of the circle of family and friends, outside of home and in school, in their communities.

There are many things that make us different that can create challenges, many many things that will make us worry about our children. I think the key is being aware and addressing (open communication, broadening your circle, opportunites, experiences for your child.) Being a child with a physical, developmental or other challenge makes children different; depending on your community, being a child of a single mother or divorced parents makes one really different. Sometimes being a child with not a lot of economic advantages makes kids really different, again relative to his community. I have a child who is very very different from her peers, not because she is AA and we are not, not because she is adopted, but because she has the (rare) intellect of a 12 year old in a 3 year old body.

I have two AA children adopted at birth. I am Irish American and my dh is Thai. We live in a very diverse community, a large university town, where our circle is diverse, our neighborhood is predominantly one of color, we can choose from many AA physicians, dentists, etc for our child. We have the opportunity everyday to expose our children to people who look like they do, not in passing, but in close contact, and to expose them to a very wide variety of traditions, culture and life experiences. It is at our fingertips, but you can do the same if you make the effort and realize the value. It may just take a lot more work, which is irrelevant if you are willing.

A bit off topic. I was in the store last week with my babes. Another mother was at the very end of our aisle. She repeatedly yelled at her son (who was young and sitting in the cart) then called him a fat stupid a((. My eyes filled up with tears as I heard her, I had already turned the corner to the next aisle. I stood there in shock. These family interactions, this language, this lack of respect of this little person, no matter how small, who has feelings and understands and who internalizes now and processes all of those messages then later builds his self awareness and pride or lack thereof on these words will suffer.

So yeah, what a child needs is love, support, encouragement, someone who believes that he and his spirit is special and wonderful, someone who supports him, his ideas, his feelings, someone who gives him attention and listens with ears and heart about challenges, needs, experiences. Children need a circle of support, of family, friends, of emotional and spiritual wellness around them, whether a small circle or a huge one; that constant love support and awareness of their needs and individuality, is what gives any child the strength to face this world, head on and give it his best and his all. If you can do that, then I say you have a good start.