|
I'm of the opinion that for an open adoption to be truly open, there needs to be candid, consistent and frequent contact between birthfamily and adoptive family. The birthmother has already met her child, and to be honest, the sooner visits begin the less confusing it will be for everyone. Let me explain.
A child growing up in one situation will believe that it is the most natural situation in the world. It's true. Kids grow up in two-parent families, with their grandparents or juggling a bunch of step-parents. Each child in each situation will consider that "normal" for their purposes. Throwing a child into a different situation later in life could cause some minor issues to surface. Imagine one day many years down the road when Birthmom magically shows up at the door. What is that child going to think? It would have been easier to have an established relationship when that child was younger--before too many questions would surface.
Secondly, what does that do to the birthmother? What does it do to you? Calling a birthparent in 6 years isn't going to help the situation. It won't help you either. The longer you wait the harder it will be to make that call (I know some with 18 year-olds that still haven't done it). Plus, you will be throwing yourself into a situation that you haven't tried yet. It takes a little bit of time before birthparents and adoptive parents can truly co-exist with one another without an extreme amount of effort. You'll have wanted to get past that first stage of the face-to-face relationship before that child will be old enough to pick up on a lot of things. Plus, this helps you to have a relationship and be more comfortable with one another. It helps birthparents and the child to be comfortable with one another and it helps everyone adjust to their roles.
Assuming there is no danger to anyone with having face-to-face, consistent and frequent contact there really isn't reason to hold off on it. By all means, take some time to bond with your baby and birthmother will take some time to help heal her broken heart, but the sooner you get your relationship started the easier it will be for everyone.
That's my suggestion- I'm speaking from experience (and drawing from a few others' experiences and an open adoption agency's research as well). Hope it helps!
|