[Abdulina]

Amy,

We've all been here before. It is tough. There are 3 rules we follow for every adoption we've done.

1) Be flexible.
2) ALWAYS expect the unexpected.
3) You are NEVER in control.

They sound simple, but they are truly hard to follow. It is easy to for others to say oh, wait your turn or your day will come or oh,it's so worth it in the end. There were days, sorry folks, that I just wanted to hit those people over the head with a frying pan so they'd wake up to reality. We never waited nearly as long as many of you folks. But the lies and deceptions and that on and off rollercoaster ride to get to STavropol was nearly gut wrenching. And it was only 10 months long(we had hosted them). Every holiday would go by, and be even more saddened by it all. I can say don't give up. Your day will come and you will be the one to encourage and support others. I will say get away. Get away from the adoption forums for awhile, even if just for a few days. Don't talk about adoption at home. Go do some normal stuff. Go see a good movie or go to a restaurant but the adoption talk is off the table as a rule. Don't forget about your life when you go through this process or it will wear you down. You don't want to be worn down for your child. We all can truly relate to what you are saying. For me, even a little shopping was a pick me up. Nothing expensive but for some reason, even something little on the real lows for me helped. Decorating but NOT for my kids' rooms. Do something for you and take the focus off the child to be. That may sound terrible but it's not. Don't lose sight of your self in this process. It is way too easy to do. There will be so much time to devote to your child once they are home. Life will go on. When the child is home, you will then wonder why you were obsessing so much over getting the adoption done. It will become natural to enjoy your child. If you obsess now, a little resentment may come into play and you definitely do not want that to happen. We are beginning to start the process for our 6th adoption. Starting slowly. Is paperwork a rush priority for us this time...not at all. We will do it when we have the time and not neglect our other children or ourselves. Believe it or not, alot of these "deadlines" the agencies set are arbitrary. That's right. I've done several "rush" documents that had to be there that day, yet only a few days later to be ask to add something to it before it is sent over. Urghh. Unless you are boarding the plane the next day for Moscow, paper can wait. Now Im not talking forever here folks, just don't get into an accident rushing to the SOS office for an apostille. They will be open the next morning. I've learned these lessons the hard way.

Bottom line Amy, adoption is a slow and tough process. You have made it this far ands you can make it a little longer. You child is waiting for you to bring them home. But the timing has to be right. For a cliche...Good things come to those who wait. This is so true in adoption. My heart goes out to you for we've all been where you are....questioning yourself and this process. yes, it is worth it. Best wishes on your continued adoptin journey.

Good night everyone.