[ddhuab]

I think people have gone out of their way here (at least on the public forum) to try to be non-hostile. I really have seen it get much more heated than this in the past!

Honestly, the only blatant hostility I have seen has come from you!

I don't usually try to speak for anyone besides myself, but I think I can *mostly* safely say that people are not alarmed at your position on open vs. closed adoptions, but your positions on 1) loss that should not be felt by the adoptee, 2) gratitude that should be expressed/felt by the adoptee, and *possibly* 3) what appears to be the feeling you have to cut out the birthmother's existance, for your child, altogether. [note, I don't really think you FEEL #3, but that sort of comes across as a hostility toward birthmothers, in general].

You may not feel any of these things... but just as it may be difficult for you to express EVERY ASPECT of what you feel when writing it out here, you need to take what other's say with a grain of salt and without making assumptions. For example, insinuating Jen was a "hypocrite" earlier was not only hostile, but completely off the mark -- while I am sure she did WANT her boys, that adoption (I think) was not all about some big dream to define herself as a mother -- she has other, biological children.

I am really trying to give you the benefit of the doubt because I had a lot of preconceived notion about adoption when I first went into it. But now that you have pointed out how educated, etc. you already are, I really can see why some people are now throwing sarcasm your way.

D.