Hi MrsD-
Boy it's rough out here! (((HUGS)))
I'm sorry you're going through all of this. These forums can be a good place to learn about what some folks think, feel and do about adoption. However, it is not representative of the adoption community as a whole, as most folks who feel like you, tend not to post here with much frequency. And as you can see, anyone who posts opinions like yours with such fervor is not likely to get much support. That's unfortunate.
I've suffered serious infertility for seven years. You name it I've been diagnosed with it, and my losses have been great. I'm also an adult adoptee from the closed adoption era, and when I knew I was not going to conceive on my own, my husband and I pursued adoption. After much time, money and thought, we realized that adoption would not be the right choice for us, for many of the same reasons you expressed.
After doing a lot of reading on adoption, I feel I made the right choice by not adopting. This forum has convinced me of that. I do however encourage you to do alot of reading on the matter, and soul-searching.
I also agree that you may read every piece of material out there and still feel the way you do.
That's ok!
Don't be ashamed or afraid of how you feel. You are not the only one. You may feel like the only one on the board at times, but you aren't!
No, adoption is not a cure for infertility. There is no cure and for those who have experienced IF know only too well the pain it causes. You deserve to want to be a mother. No shame in that. And if adopting is the way for you to become a mother then I think that's great. Because wanting to be a mother is not selfish, or all about the woman. It's about the woman having so much love to give, that she desires a child to share that with.
I hope you figure out a way to fulfill your dream.
I finally did.
