[kelleymac]

Well, I'm an adoptive parent in a simliar position. We suffered three years of undiagnosed infertility. There is a possibility that we COULD have bio kids, but we'll never go further in our fertility quest for personal reasons.

Adoption for us is not a second choice. It was my first choice. Although I was tested and took Clomid, etc. I always knew that we'd adopt at least one child.

Here's what I have learned now that my son is two:
I'm not personally comfortable with domestic infant adoption for a myriad of reasons. I'm also not comfortable participating in an open adoption. I have never been able to reconcile my own feelings about how to add another member (or members) to our family. It took a lot of soul searching to come to that place, but that's the decision we are comfortable with.

That said, my son has another mom. A woman who gave birth to him, who desperately wanted to parent, but due to extreme poverty, couldn't. She is a part of my son's story and life. I would never want to take that away from him, or deny his birthmom...that would be horrible for him, as she is indelibly marked on him. From his smile to the shape of his eyes, when you see him, you see her.

If open adoption is not for you, you need to be brutally honest about that. The WORST thing you could do is commit to an open situation with a birthparent and then renege. It is harmful to you, and especially harmful to your child and his birthparent.

Find the right situation for you. Our decisions are based on a litany of reasons that are individual to each of us, but explore your feelings about adoption and birthparents, because your child will be the one who bears any burden you bring to the relationships.

Kelley