[ess922]

When we were waiting for our son to be born, his birthmom stopped calling us for an extended period of time (3 weeks+)... We called her a bunch of times. Once we reached a relative who told us he'd tell her that we called... The rest of the time we got her voicemail and left messages that went unanswered. The wait was eating me up inside. I remember it so very well.

Talking about it with our adoption counselor, I asked her if I should/could keep reaching out. She asked me what I wanted to get across to the (then) potential birthmom. I said, I just wanted her to know we're still out there, still caring about her and the baby, still wanting to adopt him, etc. She asked me if I thought pbmom was not aware of how we felt? And that hit home for me. Of course, she knew we cared and wanted to adopt the baby. She didn't need to be reminded. It was really us looking for reassurance from her that she was still planning on placing him with us for adoption. And thats not a fair request or expectation for us to have of her. She couldn't possibly have known until he was here how she'd feel and what she ultimately felt was right for her to do.

In the end, she did call us the night before she was to be induced and asked us if we still wanted to come and adopt the baby. And then again, the night after he was born, she was continuing to struggle with her feelings and we talked openly about how hard it was for her to make the choice to place him for adoption. After seeing us with the baby, she did decide that she wanted us to be his parents and 2 yrs later... here we are raising our wonderful son and we have a very special, very, very open relationship with his birthmom.

This time is SO hard on you as the hopeful adoptive parents. Try to be there for one another. Lean on anyone who can be supportive to you and try your very best to give the expectant mom time and space. She knows you care. She'll be in touch when/if she's able and ready...

Hope this helps. Please update on how things go...

Wishing you all the very best, Ellie

PS. just re-read your post and wanted to add that if she just found out the gender of the baby, that may be bringing up all sorts of new feelings for her. the baby goes from an abstract concept to more of a real person-to-be with a pronoun attached. it must be so much to handle. she may need time to process it for herself before she can involve you. i know how much you want to know yourselves. not at all trying to minimize your feelings, just wanting to point out some considerations she might be grappling with...