Yes, it's ok to be scared of it, it's ok to say so. I was too when my husband first brought it up to me, but we talked a lot, read, found an agency that does open adoptions and went to their intro meeting in which they discussed why they do open adoption, and were sold on it. I still had moments of doubt, about my strength to adopt, about why would anyone want to pick us, but I had no doubts about having contact. It's hard work, but so are many relationships. Then again, it's also easy, very easy to sit and laugh with babe's birth family.
I know adult adoptees who have told me the same thing. My child is living a different way than they lived, we as parents are living a different way than their parents lived.
It's not about being wealthy or your house, it's about being who you are. Think about it, you'd never choose a gaurdian for your child (in the event of your death) based on their home or status or their nice teeth, there is so much more... neither is a woman considering adoption. One of the reasons babe's birth parents chose us, "We knew you wouldn't tolerate bratty behavior."
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Originally Posted by MrsD820
I'm afraid that because open adoptions are "the thing" as my caseworker put it. That somehow if we aren't game with the current trends it means we won't be chosen.
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Your case worker's feelings about openness concern me a litttle. I have a hard time understanding how she can advocate for the benefits of open adoption when she's comparing open adoption to a fad. This is a commitment to your child to maintain contact for their benefit, there is nothing about it that is passing fancy. BTW, our agency has been doing open adoptions since the early 1980's.
Closed adoption didn't go anywhere, there are plenty nice folks on these forums who are part of them. What's most important is exploring for yourself what this all means to you and your husband. You have time, you needn't commit on St. Pat's day to what openness, if any, you want, your homestudy will take sometime.
To the list of other books I'd also recommend Children of Open Adoption by K. Silber. It contains written correspondence from all sides of adoption with contact, including the children. All the best on your journey. The first step feels really big, take a deep breath...