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One of these days I need to look at some of these books that are out there. My birthmom quotes from them constantly and my mother refutes them. I'm so busy trying to just focus on my life and my experience I ignore them. I would not rule out adoption because of the experiences of a few people who wrote their feelings in a book. You have to remember that every person is different. We all have different personalities different life experiences and consiquently no two adoptions are exactly alike. For me, I had a wonderful childhood and never once questioned my identity. Or I should say never once questioned it growing up. Ok there were a few birthdays where out of no where curiosity and a feeling of loss would hit me because I didnt know where I came from, but I just dealt with it and made it my primary goal to find my birthmother the second I turned 18. I succeeded, I found her 1 month before my 19th birthday. Things didnt really hit me with regard to my identity until post reunion when my mom threw a hissy fit and said because I wanted a relationship with my birthmother that I didnt love her. This of course is not the case but never the less I questioned things more than I would have if say everything had gone smoothly. If you are really worried about the emotions of the child I would suggest open or semi open adoption. Any identity questions a child may have can be delt with as simple reality and dealt with early on. For me my only bitterness with adoption is the closed adoption system because of how in my opinion it disregards a childs natural curiosity to know where it came from. Best of luck to you, I hope you decide on the decision that you feel is right for you and your family.
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