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I just wanted to second that as a birthparent, I would never even think about hinting the my birthdaughter's aparents that I even slightly disagree with any of their parenting decisions. When I placed my little girl, I made the decision to give her a new set of parents. That is their "job" and it is not my responsibility or privilege. I know that I have no say in the matter.
The reason I chose an open adoption was not because I wanted to "co-parent" or have any parenting influence. I chose an open adoption because even though I could choose to give her two parents and more financial security, I could not choose to stop loving her. No matter what happens legally, I feel I have a moral obligation to be available to answer any questions that she has (hundreds over the last 10 years) and to be a positive role model for her (college graduate, in healthy relationships, generally successful and happy with life).
I agree with Coco that you should try to learn more about openness-read what you can find, talk to adoptive parents and birthparents and hear about other's experiences. Then, if you decide that you are not interested in openness, be very honest about it. It isn't fair to any birthparents you could be matched with to not be.
By the way, in the real world (actually, everywhere except this forum) I refer to my birthdaughter's parents as her parents, not her adoptive parents. They are her parents and need no qualifier...
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