Just a few thoughts...
As a bmom in an open adoption, I'm always sorry to hear that paparents feel that open adoption "interferes" with their family. I certainly don't interfere with my bdaughter's family life, and although I know it seems frightening to many people, her family is now, nearly 14 years later, like a sort of extended family to mine.
I'd be willing to make a large wager on the fact that 99.9% of birthparents in open adoptions would
never venture a dissenting opinion about parenting styles, holiday celebrations, school choices, etc. Even if they were urged to.
It's very sad that your friends had a bad experience with their adoption, but the fact is, having an open adoption more than likely isn't to blame for their being taken to court. If everything is done legally and ethically, there's almost no way a court case can happen once the adoption is finalized. At age 3, their child's adoption was almost certainly final, so something legal must have come up. And unless it had to do with a breach of a legally binding open adoption agreement (which still wouldn't result in a child being removed, as I understand it), I would guess it had nothing to do with whether the adoption was open or closed.
That being said, you may never feel comfortable with open adoption yourselves no matter what. In that case, it's truly, truly important for you to be BRUTALLY honest with your agency or lawyer about that, IMHO. Please do NOT say "we're willing to TRY open adoption" because you think that you'll be placed sooner, or because you're feeling pressure from a worker.
To be blunt, it's simply not good enough to "try" and then close the adoption later because bmom/bdad maybe asks for more contact, or visits, or whatever, and the adoptive family decides they "can't handle it". That is devastating to birth families, and unless there is a threat of physical or REAL emotional harm to a child due to contact, in my opinion, it's most often not fair or warranted to close the adoption after those papers are signed.
I would urge you and your DH to continue to visit these boards to get a better idea about how open adoption works for different families and different sides of the triad before you eliminate open adoption entirely. Give yourselves some time to really understand what it is (a relationship that can be very rewarding, as well as challenging, like any important relationship
), and what it isn't (NOT co-parenting) If, after you and your DH have really thought this over and done as much reading as possible, you still feel that open adoption is not for you, say that to your agency. There
are still birth families who also desire, for whatever reason, a closed adoption.
I know some of this may have come across as being harsh against you, but it isn't meant to be. I'm speaking in general terms here. I understand that open adoption can be frightening, and it's not for everyone. Since you're just beginning your journey, your feelings are also not uncommon. I just feel very strongly about this topic, and the need to be honest about what one can truly handle. Good luck with your adoption journey.