[MrsD820]

DH and I have just started the adoption process, we are a little overwhelmned with all the paperwork, HS, background checks and fees, but we are excited none the less.

However, when we went to our first appointment, the Open Adoption issue was stressed over and over and over. I was not really interested in an open adoption. In my opinion, I will be MOM after the adoption and I really was not keen on the idea of another woman coming in and out of my life and interferring with my family.

I almost had an open adoption once, my best friend of 20 years decided to place her son due to financial constraints. We have not been apart since we were 8 years old and I could not have beem more willing to raise her child with the two of us as Mommy. My husband also cares deeply for my best friend. But I don't think I would be the same with a stranger. I knew what Jen and I would be like and how we both feel about parenting. In the end, the bdad stepped up and took his son. Now they are a loving family, Jen and her ex don't have a relation, but Jesse has both his parents. That is wonderful and in my opinion best for Jesse. But, that's a rare situation.

Is it selfish to want the baby all to myself? To not want the hassle as a working mother to have to find time to take pictures, write letters and schedule visits? Is it selfish to not want to have to hear, "Oh she has my eyes!" or "Oh, she looks like my grandmother!"????

I'm just terrified because in my old state, I knew a family who's bmom took them to court when their child was 3 years old.

I guess these are natural doubts, can anyone give me advice as to experiences both in closed and open adoptions?