[Shoshana]

"the alternative to the parental message of We Chose You is the child's understanding that they could have NOT been chosen..."

The book my parents read to my sister and me was called "The Chosen Family." I still have it.

I think this phrase can help to instill pride in the child when young, and/or I think it can be open to interpretation by a young child, and an adolescent.

The child was "chosen" by the a-parents but "not chosen" by the b-parents?

How did these parents choose THIS child and not another?

Should this child have been chosen by another family instead?

If the child had been chosen by another family, would the child still be the same person, or someone else?

If a adult person is committed to the "meant to be philosophy" then the age-old "chosen story" can be comforting. If the adoptee is NOT committed to this philosophy, then it can be quite disconcerting and the randomness of the process could instill a lack of security instead.