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Ugh.
So many people use this book in references on this site. I've not read it, but heard that it is about the author's experience, and it seems that gets lost in translation at times.
Quite honestly, these forums at time have left me feeling like there's no hope. Just when I finally got a taste of it, people were all around speaking about how bad adoption is. What I wasn't hearing was *for them.*
It doesn't mean all adoptees will feel this way. I think most adoptees probably have moments where they can look poorly on their adoption. I mean, growing up, there were times I looked poorly on my family situation and I wasn't adopted. So I'm sure adoptees have those feelings, too, just a little compounded with wonderment about their bfamilies, too.
I am hoping that open adoption will help many adoptees to not feel so badly about being adopted. I'm sure when this generation of adoptees are adults there will be new information as to what was good and what was bad about open adoption. For now, I can just do my best.
DH and I briefly considered a sperm donor, and even an embryo donor, but who knows what emotional pains children born out of this sort of conception will feel. We think it's a wonderful option for many, but not a comfortable choice for us. If this wasn't so new, and there were guides on this sort of conception, we might have tried that route.
We did try IVF for three years. And I'm actually happy now (Never thought I'd see the day) that it didn't work. I would have loved a bio child. But again, who knows what that child would feel knowing they were conceived in a petri dish? I never thought about that until a course I took in child growth and development and the story of the woman who was the first IVF baby, and how it affected her life. She was not an angry woman by any means, but she had emotional struggles that I never would have imagined. So, for me, adoption is a comfortable decision.
There are days though, after coming here and reading some of the feedback, that even the adoption I question. However, I know this is right for us. We are not making anyone relinquish their child. This really is their choice, too.
Hope this helps. There will be many moments, no matter how you chose to start your family, that you will have doubts. I think that comes with parenthood. Second guessing the big decisions. Just follow your heart and you should find your way.
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