[mamacrina]

What an interesting question. We've experienced 2 failed matches/adoptions. For the first one, boy/girl 9month twins, I was disappointed, but relieved as well that the girl (16) could parent her children still. I would've liked to hear how she's doing (she had much pressure from mom to place her kids for adoption. Including threatening to kick them all out.) I think of her sometimes, and hope all 3 of them are okay.

The second and most painful experience...I don't think trying to remain friends would work out. Feelings were hurt on both sides too badly. But I felt comfortable enough 6 wks after the baby was born to email the bmom's sister. (she placed eventually, just not with us)

I love Ryan's bparents as people. Having said that, I'm not sure I could have maintained a relationship with them should they have chosen to parent. Too painful to see that baby and wonder 'what could have been'. A bit like asking if you could be friends with your true love after they dumped you for your best friend. Maybe, with time. Lots of time. Maybe not. The heart can only take so much.

<Nods in agreement> And would the mom who had considered placing feel guilty when she talked with the pap's? Would she feel like the pap's were continuing the relationship "just in case it didn't work out" or because they're friends?

Just thinking out loud...