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Originally Posted by MelissaJohnson
tobeafamily
I can understand that.
Would you want to know the child and know that he/she is happy and healthy?
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Honestly?
I would just believe in my heart that they were healthy & happy. Because, what if they really were not? What if their parents failed them down the road? That would be worse.
That's not to say that considering placement means you're going to fail as a parent if you don't place. Just that it's always a possibility that any parent may fail their child. Also that sometimes the conditions that cause you to consider placement - social, financial, emotional - don't get better with time or assistance.
Whether the friendship, relationship survived I think would depend on what it's underpinnings were. In our case, yes, eventually his Bema and I would have remained friends and as a result of that, I would have known this child as a person. Probably.
Understand, though, that these relationships formed around an adoption plan are not natural - they are hyper-sensitive, they breed the kind of closeness that disaster survivors form when they're thrown together or that of strangers at summer camp.
Sometimes, that friend from your first overnight camp experience who you couldn't live without is still your friend years later. Many times, it doesn't work out because in the normal world you're too different. Heck, this was the whole premise behind the movie "Beaches" - two highly unlikely friends keep up a lifelong friendship despite living in completely different worlds.
So, maybe, though probably not.
HTH
Regina