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Originally Posted by MelissaJohnson
I ask this because it seems in this situations ,or even in situations that are not like this, you are not just adopting a baby; you are adopting this specific baby.
So If you,the adoptive parent, were willing to have an open adoption with the pbmom, shouldnt they return the kindness to you.
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I experienced two failed matches, at birth, for two little boys. They were to be open adoptions. We met everyone including bgrandma's and bfathers. We were matched for 6 weeks, and the other 3 months. I will always remember those little boys. The first one ended up being a preemie.
Now on their birthday, I light a small candle for them and say a little prayer. Just hoping they're well. It helps me feel better about them to do this little ritual.
It would mean the world to me to just receive a Christmas card, even one without any contact information, just a signature and a picture. Or a photo on their birthday. That would warm my heart to the chill I feel they left there.
Here is a copy of poem I wrote about the first little boy.
"Blond haired boy"
You entered this world real early and tough
a gallant fight, one push you were off.
A tiny little boy, only 4 lbs 9 oz.
whisked to neonatal, so tiny a treasure.
But while you were starting to breathe on your own
a battle was brewing about who you would be.
I didn't have any word nor a say,
I could only sit back and watch and then pray.
From coming so close to being our child
to having a future with so much uncertain.
Who will care for you and hug you at night?
who will love you, with all their might?
Will your young father, keep his cool at night?
when a baby can't be comforted and doesn't feel right.
Will he heat your bottles, will he change your clothes?
Will he kiss your boo boo's and wipe your nose?
Will he feed you healthy and cheer at each step?
Will he keep you safely when there is no net?
What will happen to you, with a father so young
Can he appreciate you, a precious son?
Will your mother be ready to become now a Mom
Will she gather her strength and know what's to be done?
will she rock you so softy night after night?
will she smooth all your fears, will she miss all your fun?
Will she whisper how precious you are to her?
Will she cover you with kisses and lots of fresh air?
Will she live for your moments, treasure your youth?
Will she be there for you, despite her own youth?
My blond little boy, I must let you go.
For now there's just emptiness where you would have gone
I envisioned a future with your little self
I wanted you, loved you, would have given myself.
I would have given you the stars and the sun in the day
My heart, my home, and all of my days
I would have cherished your heart and nurtured your soul
I would have made sure, you grew up strong and whole.
But now that it's done with and I must let you go,
please know that I loved you with all of my soul.
I grieve for you now, yet wish you best
and hope that you'll learn to give life your best.
Be brave little boy, your future's so gray
Fight hard for your life, your here now to stay
Let the machines do their job, rest up and feel peace
I'm slipping away now, so the fighting will cease.
Your almost adoptive mother
