[mallory4]

Every family is different, and the kind of relationship you have with an individual person may determine how you approach the issue and how they respond. I found that my attempts to educate my family were treated as humorous, and not taken seriously, and I had to resort to threats.

In my family, race was not the issue, I had no fear that my family would say anything derogatory about black people to or in front of my kids, but I still had to deliver a stern warning to my family members, especially my mom, about the language they use about WEIGHT!

Like many women of her generation, my mom basically starved herself on crazy diets for most of my life and chatted away at me continuously about weight --my weight, her weight, other people's weight-- the whole time I was growing up. I was not remotely fat, and there was no reason for the constant pressure other than her own insecurities.

All through my college years, I argued and tried to educate her and others in my family and they just would not stop the self-loathing or judging of others. There was NO way I was going to have her subject my kids to the same critical tirade.

So, I told her, my siblings, and my inlaws that the first time they mentioned my child's size, shape, or weight would be the last time they saw my child. Apparently, they took me seriously because it was at least ten years before my mom said "I know I am not supposed to talk about weight, but..." and said something to me about my kids' weight. My kids were not in the room, and what she was saying was not a criticism, so I let her go with a warning.

So, if educating them fails, I say draw that line in the sand--you may be surprised how well it works, and if it doesn't, at least you know where you stand with that person.