[mallory4]

Singlemommy, this topic has been discussed several times and I think you will find that even among those who feel it is great for white people to adopt black kids, their reasons for thinking it is great are different.

Some folks point out, like you did, that any child of color YOU don't adopt is not guaranteed a home in the birth culture--the child may go on to be adopted by white folks who are just as commited as you or less commited than you to exposing the child to black culture--there are no guarantees.

Other people, and I am one of them, think that a home where the parent models acceptance of all kinds of people, and works to understand the oppression of all kinds of people, and where the child is supported as an individual--including but certainly not limited to their racial identity--is the best home for any child, regardless of color.

I am not familiar with the workshop you took, but unless they have some amazing new studies showing that black kids adopted by white people end up unhappier than black kids adopted by black people, I can't imagine changing my perspective.

The whole notion that there is one single homogenous black culture and only a black family can expose a child to it enough to create a healthy, whole person, just doesn't make any sense to me--or to my dh who is black.

He is a great source of information about how diverse the black community and experience is, and about the many ways that racial self-loathing is passed on in aa culture.

So, it just depends on what you want as a parent. Raising black kids won't be the same as raising white ones in a lot of ways, and whether you want to be involved in those differences is up to you.

I have 3 biracial bio daughters, and one 2 year old biracial boy we are adopting from foster care. We live in a large city, where there are hundreds of murders a year and most of them are committed by young men of color, killing other young black men--and the question that pops into my mind on almost a daily basis as I drive through our city is: How am I going to prepare him for a life where so many people are afraid of him? How do I get the target off his back? What can I do to make sure he isn't a victim of that violence, and how do I prepare him for a decade or two of encounters with people who assume he is part of that "problem" until he proves otherwise?

That is a part of parenting that I wouldn't be faced with if my kids were white.

So, I think your best guide will be your own thoughts about what kind of journey you want to go on.