Mom2sweetpea2,
If there's one piece of advice I could give birth and newly adoptive parents at this juncture, its to give it time and space, to not give in, not give up, and never walk away. This time is HARD. You're grieving, they're grieving (yes, they are), they're coping with all the changes a new baby brings, you're coping with a body that's screaming for a baby it knew it had and doesn't now.
I can't honestly imagine talking with anyone (except our ped) every day on the phone, and I got nowhere near e-mail for weeks. We were completely whipped. Our son was not sleeping, had feeding problems that made him scream for hours, we had to juggle everything and spent literally 2-3 days a week at our ped or hospital for weeks figuring out what was going on.
I'm lucky in that his bfamily got this and was not upset that we barely communicated. If we called, we called. If we didn't, they called or they just let us be.
It may be an act. It may be simply that they're overwhelmed and exhausted. They may be struggling with a feeling that they ARE parents, not just babysitters. I had a very tough time with this, even with my son's bmom's support. I honestly kept expecting people to point at me and shout "she's not that child's mother!" For six months.
Open adoption is not about what you want or what your child's aparents want. It's what your child needs and deserves. Every child deserves to have all of their history - genetic, familial, racial, social, emotional. So for the sake of your child do not quit and do not let bitterness sour your relationship further. If need be, find a neutral third party to mediate. And give it time. You have a lifetime together now, so you might as well make the best of it. Just never quit.
Melissa,
Quote:
It you were in a position to adopt a baby, got to know the pbmom, planned an open adoption arangment, and then the pbmom had the baby, either you took the baby home for a while or you didnt (either/or) then the pbmom decided to parent.
Do you think that it is sort of an obligation for the new mom to try to have an open relationship with you after the baby is born?
Would you want to have a relationship anyway?
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I love Ryan's bparents as people. Having said that, I'm not sure I could have maintained a relationship with them should they have chosen to parent. Too painful to see that baby and wonder 'what could have been'. A bit like asking if you could be friends with your true love after they dumped you for your best friend. Maybe, with time. Lots of time. Maybe not. The heart can only take so much.
That's JMHO
Regina