[AMom2Two]

Our first child's adoption did not start off open. There were no visits, no communication. Everything was handled thru the agency.

It was about a year after receiving our daughter, that my extreme joy of having her, was over shadowed by my need to educate myself about adoptee's. What I read and learned, scared the daylights out of me. I looked at my beautiful daughter and I thought, "could she be like one of these adoptee's in these posts"? My heart broke at reading their stories and I knew, I couldn't take a chance on her happiness. I know there are plenty of adoptee's that are very happy with their adoptions, but they are not the one's coming to this forum and posting. Still, even if there is only 1 adoptee that felt that way, I still could not take a chance that it could be my child.

I opened up my dd adoption and it was the best thing I ever did. Her bmom and I connected and thru her, I have found a true friend. Who else can I brag about our daughter with who actually loves to hear about her. She supports my decisions. She reinforces to me that she made the right choice. She tells me how lucky she feels that her little girl is with us. She takes away all the doubt and fear I had and replaced them with love, care and concern.

Today, she is like the sister I wished I had. We email regularly and have found a bond that will last our entire life. We visit a few times a year. She has another child so we support the siblings getting to know one another. It is a great relationship and I would have lost out on so much more, if I had not opened up the adoption.

With our second adoption, I knew I wanted open. I wanted my second child to have the same access to his roots as our first child. Our relationship with his bmom is new and there are area's we are working on but it is far better then no contact at all. I care about her deeply.

I don't think the bparents complicate our life, I think they compliment it. They add the extra dimension we needed to ground our children, they give answers to questions, a link to the bio. roots, and the ability to comfort and reassure the child that they are indeed in the right place and with the right family, that they are loved by all, that they were not reliquinished because they were not wanted, but because she wanted to give her child more then what she had. Her child deserved more, she say's.

Below is a poem I wrote about our open adoption.

It was a choice to give you something better
better then what I alone can give,
better then what they alone can give.
but with both of us together,
we can give you the world.

A world where all your questions are answered
all your dreams are fulfilled,
and all your desires are supported,
With love and encouragement.

I join hands with your bmother so we can
form a united front.
A powerful family unit that is here to support
you and you alone.

For you are loved, not just by me
but by them,
You are cherished, not just by me,
But by them.
You were wanted, not just by me,
But also by your birthmother.

Together, we have come together
to watch you grow,
to share your joys
to comfort your sorrows
to have the answers to any questions you may have for us.

For there is only thing in this whole wide world
that matters to us
and that is you,
and your happiness.
So together, we reach and strive for that,
for you to know your birth roots while
giving you wings to fly and conquer this
great big world, that you were born into.

For you are a blessing to many
your smile lights up the room
and together, both of our families
will cherish your soul and spirit
and together, we claim you as our own!

For child, you are OUR own!