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These are all great suggestions. I think all of these things are very well thought out and great ideas.
Just a few points.....I would tell you not to be alarmed if potential aparents don't want to give you their SS number. That isn't necessarily indicitive of them being secretive. If you have ever been the victim of identity theft (me.....someone had bench warrents and life insurance policies under my ID and totally ruined my credit..scary) you know that number should be as sacred as your....well, your most sacred thing. I don't think that is a matter of trust. I wouldn't do it again. There are enough other ways of getting enough info to feel trusting. Get a copy of their birth certificate or drivers licence. :-)
Also, some birth families don't want to speak to the next potential birth family. Some do. That isn't always a sign that the open adoption isn't working...although it can be. These are really small things, but just a few thoughts that I had.
Take the time to read these threads, talk to everyone you can and really, really decide if you want to parent. It is ok if you decide that. It is ok if you decide to place too. Your life is going to change no matter what and placeing a child will present you with a whole new list of challenges (and blessings), just as parenting will send you other challenges (and blessings). Be informed. Take the time to research, talk to people and just remember that all the stories and advice in the world is not a louder voice then your own intuition.
You and your situation are different then anyone elses out there. Listen to your own heart. If you decide to place, make sure that you decide again after you have the little one in your arms. I would encourage you NOT to have the adoptive family at the birth or hospital, even if you think you want it (and this is coming from an amom who was present at the birth). It is YOUR time with your child and they will understand, they really will. It will also allow you some space to make your decision without feeling pressure--even if it is unknowing pressure, from the pafamily. I have heard bmoms say that they felt conflicted because really like the afamily and didn't want to hurt them. Remember that ultimately it is easier for us too if we don't have all that emotion attached. I really think that is the best thing. I actually remember being suprised that M wanted us at the birth. I remember thinking that if the placement happened that this was her only exclusive time with him (we had an open agreement, but live far apart). I don't think that most aparents expect that, do they? Maybe I am clueless on that one.
Either way...to the expecting moms that were reading this thread as a way to explore their options..good luck and I hope that you find the info you are looking for. Whatever you you choose will be just fine..as long as that choice is informed and YOURS.
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