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Debbie, Aren't 3.5 year olds funny? First, he, of course, can remember his past, good and bad, I suspect. My daughter, also with an incredible memory, remembers things that I cannot begin to fathom, like things from her first year, all persons we met (in passing) while living in California (from the time she was 12 to 20 months), entire conversations that we had; she can still tell us exactly how to get to many LA farmer's markets from our apartment there. First I would give him some/what information that you have about the foster family to assuage his fear. If it is feasible and a healthy situation, could you possibly see them? Maybe he could have photos of them or of the other boy to remember him by. I think kids are far more perceptive than we give them credit for. He could be worrying about it.

We began having very very complex adoption questions a long time ago; we address those questions openly and honestly based on ability appropriateness (rather than age appropriate); we always leave the topic open for discussion and talk about our daughter's first mother in conversation (like how she can see the moon at night exactly how we see it.)

I would answer his questions with honesty but ability appropriate information, as long as not to include things that could hurt him, make him worry or are disparaging to his first family. I thing the key is letting him feel safe, comfortable, that it is okay to ask questions and that there is no shame in his past or in his inquiries. Sounds like you are doing a great job.