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Can I throw in a suggestion? Having not been there, I don't know if it's a good one or not, so of course I may be way off.
I'm wondering if part of you has hesitated to put it out because of recent ambivalence (not sure if this is the right word?) that you've been experiencing and working through. That's my first thought. But, it may have nothing to do with this, I just wanted to give you an idea in case you hadn't thought of it yet.
I'm thinking if you want the pic posted, talk about it with Josh, and come up with a game plan for when questions are asked. You made me smile when you mentioned Josh's grandpa. I am sure they would not judge you or Josh or have any ill feelings towards you about this. If anything, it will give them a fuller picture of who you really are and what you are really comprised of. AND, I wonder if anyone in that family will confide in you that they've secretly been living with the same kind of pain? Even in my own family, once we started telling people about our adoption plans, people were coming out of the woodwork telling us that they were adopted or that they had relinquished a child decades ago and Mrs. Jones from Haymarket is really Great Granma's daughter. (Fictitious names, but not far from my reality...)
Even if nobody else has any idea what you've been through, and what Josh has been through with you in dealing with this, if nothing else, it gives them an opportunity to know you better. And to see the bigger picture. I know you're not ashamed of your decision. And I don't think you need to broadcast it (Though, you COULD at work.. lol!), but I really don't think it's good to hide it from your family. Even your extended family. I'm thinking about Nick in a few years. He'll grow up knowing his sister and his sister's other family, and he won't know that this is a private/personal matter. And what if he says something in front of relatives who don't know and they are so shocked they tell him not to tell such stories or some other thing that they wouldn't mean to be hurtful but could confuse him. You obviously have a few years before you have to worry about it, so you have time... I do think if you want to have her picture up, you shouldn't hesitate to.
And Josh sounds like a very understanding guy. So, I'd start with a chat with him so he knows where you're coming from and you guys are on the same page. Then, get a plan in place for how to handle the questions. There may not be any. Some people will feel it's too personal to discuss. And if you don't feel like answering them, you could always tell them "oh, that's my daughter, Munchkin and she was placed for adoption, this is my current picture of her but I don't often talk about her except with Josh." Or, answer even more simply and change the subject to egg salad or something. (Yeah, I'm hungry). Most people will take their cues from you as far as if it's okay for them to talk with you about this. And you don't have to talk about it with everyone. Don't feel obliged to. But you and Josh need to be on the same page I think. It will make moving forward easier.
Hope this helps. Even if I just helped you decide you wanted egg salad for dinner. :-)
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