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I have just adopted three - 13, 9 and 3 -- from foster care. My 13 assured me three years ago when she moved in that I would never adopt her, she would never call me mom and she would never take my last name. Time made a huge difference. We talked often about what adoption would mean to her future - a forever home even after college, a place for her children to call grandma's, people she would be able to count on to help move her, be there for her wedding etc. Though we would have been there for her anyway, the guarantee of it helped her. She also had asked during the three years for things like pierced ears, going away to a special camp etc. etc. She hated to hear me say - I'll ask the county for permission. It's wonderful for all of us not to have to ask the county anymore ! She still doesn't call me mom but who knows, that may come too ! Good luck.
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