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The law here, I believe, is that after 6mo of no contact, I could claim abandonment to terminate his parental rights. I don't think I'll have to do that, because though it's hard for him to admit, I think he knows that it's only fair for her dad to be her DAD and he never has been. Ryan went to birth prep classes with me 4 years ago- and he was my labor coach. My real issue is whether or not to allow visits with him. I think I WILL make sure the adoption goes through before establishing anything like that. I presented Rick with the scenario of her being placed with him in the event that something happened to me, and he agreed that it wouldn't be good for her at all. Ryan's the dad...it's that simple- Rick knows it too. I don't really know about his parenting/child skills as I've only been in that house once- yesterday. He seemed very proud of the almost 2yo boy...and the child called him "daddy" several times. I'm trying not to judge him by his past mistakes, but it's hard not to remember. I think that I need to get to know Rick a little bit before judging whether or not he could or would harm my daughter, maybe a 6mo period after the adoption goes through? Your posts have already been VERY helpful, its easier to put this into perspective now. I think sleep may have helped too, though it was difficult to stop thinking long enough to snooze.