[tobeafamily]

Kim,

A fully open adoption integrated/extended family relationship is not OK when the people involved are not all in complete agreement. Honestly, for these relationships to work, you've got to like and respect each other. If you don't, it will break down.

Ours is a fully open integrated family adoption. Other than in places like here, there is no distinction between Ryan's Aunt T and Aunt K and Nonni and Mom-Mom. They're all relatives. His birth parents are Bema and Beda, names he gave them at 18 months.

Simply put, we're a family. To someone on the street who observed us they would not think one iota differently. We like each other, enjoy each other's company, respect each other and trust each other. It's not always easy (what family relationship is?). Sometimes it's more difficult than we'd like. We're all committed though to what we're doing.

DH and I started out wanting this kind of relationship. We're a military family, so we're used to making our family wherever we are, and I come from a merry band of people mostly related by DNA. We were told that what we were hoping for was likely not to happen so don't be disappointed if there was less. Our son's bparents were told the same BTW.

So I think it's not OK if you're not comfortable with it. If deep in your heart you wouldn't introduce your child's bfamily as part of your family to anyone you meet. Because that's what full integration demands for your child to understand that all in the family are equal.

JMHO

Regina