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Originally Posted By Ashley

My brother (who many of you must know well by now from all my posts) sounds a lot like this guy. He had the long hair and tattoo's and the wild, motorcycle riding lifestyle. To this day I don't understand what my sister-in-law saw in him. He isn't her type and he showed all the signs of future "bad parent". He was agressive, got in fights all the time and never had a kind word to say about anyone. When my sister in law got pregnant we all hoped it would be the circumstance that would change my brother. Of course it didn't and within a year they had divorced. My brother now (8 years later) shows up on my nephews birthday and christmas to drop of hundreds of dollars of gifts. He tells my nephew he loves him and turns around and leaves. Not to be seen until the next holiday. He doesn't pay child support and doesn't do his court ordered visits. My sister in law makes it as easy as can be to see my nephew. She doesn't say a bad word about him (although I think if she did no one would blame her). She has tried in the past to encourage calls, visits, the whole lot. And now she has left it all up to my brother. And he has no contact now that no one is holding his hand.

My question for Rick would be, why hasn't he called in the two years if he wanted to see his daughter? Would he be willing to pay a reasonable child support? Would he be willing to make regular visits? Would he be an involved parent in her life?

What about suggesting the adoption go through and that Rick can have regular visits. An open adoption. She can reffer to Rick as Uncle Rick, or maybe a different special name. But it would be more like a relationship you would have with a cousin rather than a parent. I have tried to get my sister in law to offer this to my brother. That way you know that if anything happened to you that the man who raised her (your husband) would be the one to continue to raise her. I think of how horrible it would be if my sister in law died and my brother would be considered the next living parent. He is not a suitable person to be a father and he has no relationship to my nephew.

Good luck. I hope things work out for your family.

AShley