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Originally Posted By AC

I'm just going to let you know what I did with my son. His dad is the biggest A**hole you would ever want to meet. BUT, I let him find out on his own. I never said anything bad to him about him and I know he does love his dad and I'm OK with that. I explained to him a long time ago that I wasn't with his dad because he wasn't a good person and didn't treat us well(no type of abuse). Kids are VERY smart, they realize who loves them and who doesn't. His dad has court ordered child support that he doesn't pay; visits and calls when he wants; etc. Now that he's 10 he figured out how this man is. I left everything up to his decision. My son never asks about him and the deadbeat never makes an honest attempt to change and get his act together. Basically, I waited for him to sever all ties then I just enforced them. My son loves my daughter's father(he's been involved with him since age 2) to death and has given me his blessing to marry him cause as he puts it " I like him and he's my dad too and I had him first". As for last names, both my kids have my last name(I hyphenated my daughter's last name) but she only uses my part. Her father never had a problem with it because he said "It'll cut down on confusion and besides I know she's mine". Does my son still have feelings for his bio dad "YES" will he always have feelings for him "YES(good or bad) I don't know". I learned a long time ago that it wasn't my responsibility to make or break that bond. But it IS my responsibility to ensure that my child grows up in a happy and safe environment. My advice to you is if your daughter's bio dad truly wants a relationship let him know it either all or nothing thru her good and bad times. Then let your daughter decide on how much contact she wants. Never give her or him the opportunity to say "You took me/her away because you forced the adoption thing". Just my two cents for all its worth. Good Luck.