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I know this is off-topic again...but this board is the only place I can think of to get sound advice on something like this. I found Rick...the biodad of my 4yo daughter. I am her biomom- and my husband wants to adopt her (because he's really been her "dad") We have a meeting with a lawyer scheduled for the 11th, and i want to know terms and where everyone stands beforehand to make it a smooth and low-as-possible-cost process.

Rick has never had contact with her, though he and I have had contact with each other from time to time. We had an agreement to keep in touch so that when she was ready she could meet him. I thought that meant at like...age 7 or 10 or 15 even. I found Rick for the first time in 2y today to talk to him about proceeding with the adoption, and he was very reluctant. He's been acting as a "dad" in his current household for almost two years now, and says that he's been thinking about her a lot and wanting to meet her. I said that I could bring him pictures of her, but that I didn't feel that she was ready to meet him. It wasn't fair to her. I also told him that I had been open with her about him, which he seemed to like. He asked a lot of questions about her, and if I still had the book I made her about him when she was a baby. He talked with me openly. I really regretted having to take my friend to work, because for the very first time since my daughter was born we were just talking. About my cat, about his girlfriend's kids, about old friends.

This was very different than 2 years ago. Then, he was very elusive, would look anywhere but at me if I went over to talk to him, always angry, although I always tried to smile at him and treat him with respect. He accused me of things constantly. He used his wife to ask questions, as she and I got along very well.
Our relationship (5yrs ago)was very violent and unstable. He attempted suicide two years ago (when his wife left him). He has had many hardships in his life...abandonment and abuse by his parents, foster care, was in a mental hospital for a while (he was a minor). He has been in jail for beating a teenage boy into a coma. At sixteen, I thought he was cool (tattoos and long hair, not the violence)...that's gone, but I still care for him, want the best for him and was very pleased with him today. He hugged me and seemed glad to see me, we played with his son, we talked. I had brought a friend with me for moral support, but when I got there they (whole family) made me feel like an old relative. He wants to meet my daughter now, I had orignally wanted her to just say "i'm ready" at whatever age, I've lately wondered if she should wait to meet him until she's 18. I haven't really felt that any of the activities he has engaged in are appropriate for someone involved with a child, but then again...that was before he was ever in the role of a father. People change. ...Somehow saying that doesn't turn off the alarms sounding in my head. I am so confused! I guess my point is- I'm WAY too close to this to make a decision. I've been stressing about it all day long, and the later it gets the more i just feel like crying.