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I want for this to happen so much that it hurts. I am angry that an 85 year old man who can barely care for himself is going to take a 5 year old 2000 miles from his family and not let us proceed unless we do it his way. We doubt very much that either birth parent is going to voluntarily sign off their rights. I am going to write a letter (per our attorneys suggestion) to them telling them about us and why we feel we are the best option for their child. I ask that you keep us in your thoughts and prayers while we await a decision.
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We also sent some pictures of us for her to consider when her father (the childs grandfather) goes to see her about signing TPR. OH WAIT. We found out today that he already went to see her yesterday. She said she would consider it, then had some type of fit and became irrational, forcing him to leave.
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I'm sorry that you're so stressed out about this but . . . I have to comment here.
I know that you are longing for this girl, and would love to make her part of your family, but the bottom line is that the grandfather has every right to make you do things his way! He has custody! This is, for legal purposes, HIS grandchild in HIS care!
I'm sure this is a reflection of your frustration level, but it sounds like you feel that you have a right to this child, and that the grandfather is trying to block you from something you feel you deserve. I'm sorry that you're getting the runaround here, but the reality is that the parents and grandparents, regardless of whether or not they are "stupid old men", have a say in whether or not they sign over their rights! As for the MOTHER throwing an "irrational fit" when someone came to talk to her about signing over her parental rights so that people she doesn't know can take her child . . . I don't think that sounds that irrational at all! She's not a birthmom--she hasn't relinqished her parental rights nor have they been terminated (based on what you've written.) She may be a BAD mom if she's been charged with abuse and neglect, but she's still the legal mom, even if she isn't the guardian. Deserve doesn't come into it legally.
If the child was removed from the mother's home for neglect and abuse, then the agency that removed her should be informed and following up. If this child is removed by foster care, you may well be waiting in line behind all of the other certified foster homes. If you're not family--and forgive me if you ARE family and I've misunderstood the relationships here--you have no right to decide what happens to this child. I'm sorry that your friends are having such a rough time with this situation, but THEY are the ones with the legal potential to step in and notify authorities or petition for guardianship, not you, their friends.
I hope that this situation works out well for you. If you're truly worried about the child's safety and wellbeing, then you should be contacting the welfare department, not trying to convince the grandfather to get the parents to sign over their rights.
If the situation is as bad as you say, then I truly hope that you, or another loving couple can find a way to provide a home for this girl, or provide her grandfather with support so that HE can continue to provide a home. I hope that you reach some positive resolution to your troubles.