[Kimmisue]

I lost my mother 8 years ago next week. I can't believe it's been that long and then sometimes it seems like it's been longer than that since I saw her last. She was killed instantly in an automobile accident by a person apparently on some kind of suicide mission. He was successful but took my mom with him.

I was EXTREMELY close to my mom. She was literally my best friend. Our houses backed up to each other and I had repeatedly said if anything ever happens to my mom, they'll have to lock me up because I'll lose it. Well, I didn't lose it but at times thought I might. It MOST definitely has made me a much stronger person. It also somehow made me look at problems and struggles in a more positive light. I had to continuously look for something positive in all the bad that happened. I miss her immensely all the time. Yes, time helps but wow, does it still hurt.

I'm not really sure how her absence has affected me as a mother. We adopted our son 4 years after she passed. I think it has made it a bit harder because I'm forced to either try to figure things out myself or I lean heavily on my MIL, Stepmom, and best friend. I thank God daily that I have these women in my life.

I also am grateful in a sense that I was never able to get pregnant, because I honestly don't think I could go through that without her. People who have never been as close with their mothers as I was don't understand that. But when you talk daily with someone and share everything in your life with them, it's hard to imagine handling something like this without her. I know that my MIL, stepmom and best friend would do everything in their power to be there for me, but nothing could ever fill the void.

I keep hoping that we will adopt a little girl so that I can have that mother daughter bond again, but that part is up to God.

So, I don't think I answered all of your questions, but wanted to share with you that you are not alone. Love your daughter and make a strong bond!

Thanks for posting this,
Kim