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I allow contact with paternal relatives but not with either parent. That was the recommendation of the caseworker and therapist (not allowing any contact with bparents) and I am so glad I followed it, because as time goes on, my daughter reveals more and more horrible stuff that happened to her with her bparents.
For a long time she maintained that she wanted to be with her bparents. But while she was placed with her paternal g'ma the grandmother allowed her son to come for a visit. She told me the child was thrilled to see him. But, the child reported the visit to the caseworker (knowing it was not allowed), and after she was removed and returned to me, she finally told her g'ma on a phone call that although she loves her dad she doesn't want to see him.
She has very conflicting feelings, but what it boils down to with both her bparents is that she wants to be able to say she loves them and wants to be able to say she wants to see them, but she really wants to be protected from contact. It has been very confusing to me getting the mixed messages, but I've read more now about the effects of abuse on children, and my daughter has gotten to an age where she can think about and verbally express things better than a small child can, and it helps me now to understand why any contact would be bad for her.
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