So, I saw my new therapist today. And I don't hate her. *jaw drop*
Anyway, I have homework. While I plan on doing the homework myself, I'm curious as to what some of you would do with the one thing I've been assigned. SO, here we go:
Write a letter to your birthchild with the premise of
IF I KNEW THEN WHAT I KNOW NOW and be sure to include the positives that are currently in her life. (That was added by my therapist so that I a) don't get overwhelmed with emotions (and negativity) and b) can recognize that even though things aren't the way my heart wants them, things still "work.")
I'm sure I'll write 4398650957 drafts between now and my appointment which isn't until next month due to scheduling. (Though they do have me on the call out list incase someone cancels and they can get me in... so my homework really needs to be done in two weeks time.)
I've got some ideas forming in my head but the biggest problem I see with the homework is this: I find writing to Munchkin to be one of the hardest things. Ever. I can write about her. I wrote a lot to her prior to her birth. But since? I send cards. But no letters. Because I get SO overwhelmed with emotion and everything gets jarbled, makes no sense... and I throw it away. (Yeah. So I'm a perfectionist. Shoot me!)
ANYWAy, my appointment went well. She recognized that, other than my anxiety (which has skyrocketed since Nick's birth) that I
am dealing with grief and loss. *jaw drop* I almost did a cartwheel when I left her office. Well, I didn't because I forgot to wear deoderant this morning before I went and I sweat when I'm nervous. Yeah. I've since changed shirts.
