Wow.... what great stories! Thank you so much for sharing them with me!
It seems so natural and healthy the way all of you are handling this. I agree 100%... I want this baby (who we just found out yesterday is a GIRL!!!
) to be comfortable with who she is and where she come from. I want her to know (first hand) how much her birth family loves her. I never want her to be deprived of the love of her siblings. You all make that seem so easy and possible... and I suppose it is!
Does anyone tell any of you that it's NOT healthy? I feel like so many people (friends and family) are telling us not to get too close to the birth family (Mom, Dad, & kids). To do that, to me, would mean being someone other than myself. I cannot protect myself from their ultimate decision on the day of the birth. I can only imagine how hard it will be for them. I have told her that on that day, she needs to think of herself and her family and what is best for them. Although I also cannot imagine how hard it will be for us if she changes her mind, I have to understand that this baby is hers and she has an absolute right to do whatever she feels is best. Who am I to say that "WE" are the best, anyway! Why separate her from the first people who loved her if that's not even what they want? I can say that we have an enormous amount of love that we would feel privileged to bestow on this little girl... but if their decision is not to go through with it, then it isn't meant to be. In any event, right now they seem really certain of their decision, so I just need to go with that.
I think of my DH and I as building a relationship that will last many many years to come. It's important! I, personally, think the "don't get too close" comments are just bad advice (how could they know anyway?!?!), so I'm trying to let it go in one ear and out the other. They are worried that if they definitely do go through with the adoption, we will be too close and then hurt and miss each other after the baby is born... and that just won't happen if we do visit and talk and keep in touch. I think we can all be like an extended family. I tell you all what... I feel so blessed to have them in my life.
Your stories really give me a lot better perspective... I think I have known in my heart what is right, but when everyone has an opinion, it's easy to get confused. I think it's most important to listen #1- to my heart and #2 - to those who have experienced an open adoption.
Thanks, again!
Karen