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I would suggest you rein your daughter in and limit her freedom to bounce, steal and lie. Start by not asking any questions that can be lied to... so don't say, "Did you take the cookie?" Just call the shots as you see them, and if you think she took the cookie, say, "I see you had trouble controlling yourself, sorry you decided to take the cookie. Guess you won't be having any dessert for dinner, since you already had it!" Don't give her a chance to lie. Better yet, don't give her a chance to take the cookie! She needs to be on line-of-sight supervision until she is making better choices. So, that means sitting next to you doing duplos or looking at a book, or jumping on a mini-tramp to get rid of some of that extra energy. And have you tried Holding Time, as described in the book by Martha Welch? DON'T do the part where Martha suggests you vent in your child's face, but DO read it as far as what a holding session is, and what stages kids go through in holding. Mostly for that age it is just snuggling in a chair, looking for eye contact, compliance and providing a safe place for your child's "uglies" to emerge. Whenever she is dysregulated or not responding appropriately, if possible that is when you should head for the rocking chair. It can be tough to do with other kids around, but very beneficial.
Your husband needs to be onboard completely, as his lack of understanding will only undermine your success with this child. If he allows the child to triangulate the two of you at all, he contributes to her sickness and your struggle with making her well.
Good luck, and I certainly do understand how you feel. Go take a Calgon bath (read the Radblog from last night!)
Nancy
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