Bethany- Let me start out by saying that what your daycare provider has done is reprehensible!
She had absolutely
NO right to share your son's private information with anyone, family member or not, especially if you specifically asked her to keep your conversation confidential! Her sister-in-law was way out of line as well!
Your son deserves a right to his own history, to share with whom he chooses. No one has the right to take that choice away from him, and that's what this teacher has done! If she's disclosing private information about your son's history, what's she doing to other families?!
I'm a firm believer that you should go directly to the source to try to resolve your issues, however; with a situation as unprofessional as this one, I would be inclined to immediately arrange a meeting with that teacher and her direct supervisor
together to discuss the issue. This teacher needs to be accountable not only to you, but also her boss!
During this meeting, remain calm and professional. Beforehand, write out a list of points you want to make sure to cover, including what you would like the repercussions to be. Review the list one last time before you walk in to the meeting. The important thing here is to remain calm but firm. I would make it very clear to the teacher and her supervisor that this was a gross violation of your family's right to privacy. Share how violated it made you feel. Share that this is your son's history to share with whom he chooses and the teacher has just taken that choice away from him. Don't be afraid to ask her supervisor what actions will be taken to make sure that this never happens again!
I understand your concern about ruining your relationship as your child's kids teacher, but you (and your husband) are your child's only advocate. If you don't take a stand now for your child, these types of things will continue.
Well, that's my opinion. Take it for what it's worth, my mama bear instinct was aroused by this one!
I'm sorry you had to experience this.