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You should file an order for a TPR (termmination of parental rights) he will be served and have a certain amount of time (usually 30 days) to respond to the courts. If he consents to the adoption he just signs the papers and sends them back. THen you can file for a petition of stepparent adoption.
Even if he comes back later on and says "well your mother filed" you can always say that he consented to the adoption and did not fight, so does it really matter who filed the papers when he willingly signed them?
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