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Sirky,
I learned you make it by taking one day at a time. One long, hard, never-ending day at a time... and one day, you will realize you are coming down the home stretch.
My daughter ws 21 months when she arrived. She wore her pout like a crown of precious jewels... for 16 years. Every summer we would find SOME respite to give us a break from her never-ending attitude. She missed Disney World, cruises, and countless family outings. She was not (and is not) fun to be around. She turned 18 a few weeks ago. As we recently moved and are building a home, we are temporarily residing in two duplexes, partly to house our furniture, but even more importantly... to house this child. She now lives NEXT DOOR, and while we pay the bills (for 6 more months until she finishes high school), she is responsible for herself in a big way. If she doesn't buy it, it doesn't appear in the fridge. If she doesn't clean it, it grows mold. If she isn't fun to be around, she doesn't get invited next door. It has been a rude awakening. She basically told me a couple of weeks ago that she realized her pout only affected her next door, so she decided to try and be happier so she can be around people.... HUH? Flip the switch? But who cares about the impact on the rest of us for 17 years? She is motivated to change ONLY because not changing affects ONLY HER.
We are now planning another family cruise... but she's not going. Too much money to spend on someone who still has no idea that other people occupy her world, and are impacted by her decisions. Besides, if all goes well, she will be in Navy boot camp!
You are absolutely not alone. And you don't get to choose your feelings... you only get to choose your reactions to your feelings. You don't wake up in the morning CHOOSING not to like your child...and you didn't get those feelings in a vacuum. You don't like her because she has much to do with that.... she makes many choices that contribute to that. By all means, cut yourself some slack. Find as much support as you can, find an attachment therapist, make time for yourself, and don't do things for your daughter that are PERKS... it only gives her the wrong message (I can be a jerk and still get perks) and it only feeds your resentment (I have to take her to McD's or swimming and she treats me like dirt!) If you wouldn't be motivated to take a neighbor kid somewhere who is fun to be around, why feel guilty about not providing a perk to a child who reaps the rewards of your support daily?
Hang in there!
nancy
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