[Jensboys]

We have a situation with one bparent with a mental illness and another that is incarcerated due to fairly severe criminal activity. We have been able to maintain what we feel is very positive contact with both sides of the family. Did it take time? Yes. Did we start with an intermediary? Yes. Did it feel silly after a while? Yes.

Our boys bparents and family, despite their issues, love the boys. They have been able to provide a sense of security to the boys that I could not provide. I feel that contact, particularly with bdad, has been VERY good for us. I wish bmom was more consistent, but even our limited contact with her has allowed us to keep in contact with the boys' siblings, to know when new babies are coming and to do the best we can to establish relationships.

I will say however that distance has been a help in these circumstances and with the kids comfort level. We are on the West Coast of Canada, our boys first family all lives in Missouri. As well, we never have forced the KIDS to have contact. For many years (at least 5) the contact was exclusively between the adults and the kids did not want direct contact themselves. They were VERY fascinated with the letters we received, pictures etc but their trust had been broken and took a long time to earn back. I give bdad ALOT of credit for working very hard and being extremely consistent and understanding in his contact with us and slowly that earned the boys' trust (to a degree) back. They now talk on the phone.