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There's so much to learn, so much to experience. I read your letter and I believe in timing. It might've not been the right time for you, but I'm sure on their part, they were anxious about you. The more I read, the more I try to prepare for what's in store in my future. Seems like being an adoptee you prepare for a lot of things, and fret. But we cannot control everything. I did search, and did find my birth family after 25 years. It was an emotional time for me in that way. I discovered my birth mother alive, 90 years old, and two siblings, a older brother and an older sister. I was the one relinquished. I did have a very good adoptive home. My birth sister did not, my brother was raised by his g'ma, a little bit better for him. We all grew up differently. I was fortunate to have been adopted. I won't be really close to my birth mother, but there is some contact. I do like the fact that I have family history from her. I was able in this stage of her life to relieve her of some guilt, telling her I had a good life growing up, and that was important to me to tell her she made a good choice, and to her it was a good thing too. I did bond pretty quick to my brother. I was going to keep it down-key, my finding him because I didn't think we'd be that involved. I have adoptive brothers, and wondered how they would deal with all this, that was stressful for me. As it turned out they were happy for me. The more we attached, the more I realized how much I love him and want him at functions concerning weddings, birthdays, etc. He lives in another state, but have had visits and regular e mails weekly. My sister was raised by our birth mother and unfortunately carried the brunt of my birth mothers actions. But she tries to do right and is caring and sweet. I wouldn't think of anything but having her in my life. I've met cousins, uncles and aunts. My mother, birth, was the black sheep of the family, an odd duck. It is emotionally draining to us and you have to decide whats good for you. No judgements. I know timing was it for me. Plus a desire. At my age, (middle) I appreciate finding them. They are all at a place where they do too. If we'd found each other earlier, I don't know if it would have worked. Everyone was going through their own lives, troubles, etc, but now it seems we're settled. I'm connecting with them, but everyone is different. The blessing is that my page in life is no longer a "blank page". No matter, the good and the bad, it's not blank and that is very cool to me. I hope you find your way.
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