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Hi Donald,
I am an adoptee who, like you, always always wanted to find my bmom and bfamily. At times it becomes almost an obsession doesn't it? And at others it is something we can put away and not think about but it is always lurking near the surface.
I guess I have to agree with the others. It is a difficult lesson to learn that we can't make others do or feel like we would like them to feel. I learned this the hard way too from a bcousin. I was soo excited to find her and she was horrible to me.
The number one thing, as the others have stated, is to deal with your feelings and issues first. Read much both here on the forums and there are many wonderful books available too. After that "work" is done it is much easier to be objective and to gain perspective.
My bmom refused contact with me through an agency some years ago and years later, when I found out who she was, it was too late as she had passed away. I reunited with my bsisters and bbrothers and I have gained so much insight on my bmom. It seems that she never ever forgot me from some of the things my bsibs have told me, even though they didn't know about me.
As hard as it is, I would give it some time. Patience is so difficult but it may give your bmom time to sort through her very real, very raw emotions and may mean the difference between happiness or driving your bmom farther away.
Please keep us posted and if we can help in any way - please let us know!
Hugs
Snuffie
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