The only thing I feel is "excessive" is the "heavy" poetry unless the teenager is stating that other things (the phone calls/letters) are also making her feel upset. Teenagers can be moody at any time, without warning.
I don't feel it's appropriate to "unload" the "heavy" poetry, either, and I hope that my own birthdaughter's parents will wait to let her read some of my "heavier" things until she is older and understands that I am able to separate my grief regarding adoption loss from anything regarding her family or her as a human being/my daughter/whatever.
I think that "Abby's" reply should have been a bit longer, advising the parents to have a heartfelt discussion with their daughter about WHY she is moody after these phone calls: is it because she is too overwhelmed? is it because she DOES feel fondly for her birthmother but feels guilt in doing so? is it because of x, y or z? After that, they need to have a discussion with the birthmother about what they have discussed and ask her to adjust a few things.
As with any relationship, emotions ebb and flow. Changes need to be made to find a fit with a particular stage in life. Obviously, some things need to change but to simply label all of the contact as excessive is just ridiculous. It's called "communication within your family." Talk to the daughter, figure out what's going on and set some new boundaries.
