[ChristiBender]

Donald... I think that Friend on the Path may have some merit to speak and be listened to here... as she is an unwilling participant (or was) in a reunion.

Part of risking contact is risking rejection. And, part of being compassionate toward the other person (and ourselves) to be willing to accept their decision.

She has acknowledged you, that is true. She has also plainly through word and deed explained that she does not wish to have contact with you. That is very hard to hear.... heartbreaking in most cases.... but it appears to be the truth.

I believe that adoption reunions are all about us finding ourselves. For many adoptees they believe that through acceptance by their birthparent they will come to accept themselves. This is sometimes true, and sometimes not.

In your situation your bmom does not want contact. There is no way to know the future, but I feel that her wishes should be respected. I think that people do change their minds in life... but not quickly in most cases. Perhaps reach out to hear in an annual christmas card or something like that... simply with your contact information should she want to use it.

Learning about you is possible with or without her. and, since you had contact with her family members for some years I am assuming that you did gain certain insights into her life, medical history and background. Part of that information is what you would have wanted from her, right?

It is important to recognize when you ARE or HAVE received that which you have wanted.

The task at hand now seems to be moving forward... Are you willing to accept her at her word and work on your own healing??? I hope so. This is a great place with many inspired members. Please continue to write and share your thoughts and feelings.

We are here for you.