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Originally Posted by friendonthepath
How long have you been in contact? Does it get any easier?
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We have been in contact for more than five years.. We do have nice conversations when he does phone.. We laughed the last time he called.. All is well between us.. basically.
But he is so like my dad.. He is in the same kind of career my dad was in.. I am not really comfortable with him.. I can not call him and talk about my dad.. yet..
I see folks on here who are trying real hard to make the connection.. I do not reply in those threads.. because I can not become emotionally vulnerable with him.. or about him.. I can write about it ad nausaum.. but to actually do it.. no way..
I have done therapy and I have done a lot of self help.. but he and I were separated when he was born.. that is a fact.. His life went on a path that I was not on.. that I can not get on..
And I do not think it is just me.. I love email.. and I love connecting through email.. he does not.. one of the male adoptees who post here posted something very important to me the other day.. he said he feels emails are more emotional to him.. and I thought ahhhh the bson..
So I know I have accepted all of this and have moved on..
You wrote it so beautifly for me..
“As I write this, I have come to the conclusion that I will always experience pain when I am around these people. Pain, anxiety, anger and emotional exhaustion.”
I do not think we have to do things we do not want to do.. just because others are doing it.. Heck when I gave my son up that is the kind of thinking that separated us.. Maybe..
Jackie