[friendonthepath]

Hi, strange way to introduce myself but I guess that's how I feel.

I feel very alone and need to vent, I hope that's ok.

To summarize my story (while staying vague because I would not want to hurt any would-be-reading-this birth half siblings), I am an almost 40-years-old adoptee who was tracked down by my bmother and her family a few years ago.

Contrary to most posters I've read, I did not search, nor did I want to be found.

My parents raised me as their own and I was pretty satisfied with my life. At this stage in my life, I had pretty much resolved (or so I thought), issues that I had about being adopted. I am happily married and have a daughter of my own.

All of a sudden, my biological mother calls me, out of the blue. At first, I experience a (very) brief period of joy. Joy at finding out I have half-siblings, joy at seeing pictures of people who kind of look like me, joy at understanding where my natural talents come from, relief at understanding where my illnesses come from and which ones to look out for.

Unfortunately, this joy is immediately replaced by intense pain.

As I write this, I have had an on-off long-distance relationship with my bmom and her family for three years, and a face-to-face reunion last year.

As I write this, I have come to the conclusion that I will always experience pain when I am around these people. Pain, anxiety, anger and emotional exhaustion.

The situation is complicated by the fact that persons of that family struggle with depression and chronic illnesses and so do I.

Quite simply I do not have the energy, nor the emotional reserves, to continue this relationship.

It is hurting me and I want it to stop.

Have any of you experienced this?